“Wait… What Did You Just Say?”
The Thoughts That Race Through My Mind While I Pretend I’m Listening
There I am , standing in a full room of people, smiling, nodding, maintaining excellent eye contact like a well-trained adult…
And then it hits me.
I’m not listening. At ALL.
I mean I look like I’m listening.
But internally?
My brain has packed a small suitcase and left the conversation.
And listen , I don’t do this because I’m rude.
I do it because I’m 45+, female, and one minor distraction away from mentally planning my entire week.
Let me take you inside the chaos of what REALLY happens in my mind the minute someone starts talking:
1. “She’s still talking…? Oh wow.”
It usually begins here.
Not rude, not judgmental, just the moment I realize she is deep into a story and I have absolutely no anchor point for what the story is about.
A dog?
A neighbor?
Her son’s roommate’s mother?
I don’t know.
I lost the plot seven sentences ago.
2. “Did I turn the stove off? I think I did. Probably.”
This thought always arrives uninvited like it owns the place.
Meanwhile she’s saying something dramatic like,
“And then I told her she better think twice!”
And I’m thinking:
“Did I leave the candle burning? Because that was a really good candle.”
3. “Why is she blinking so slow? Is that normal?”
Once I’m distracted… EVERYTHING becomes fascinating.
A hair out of place.
Her necklace moving.
A piece of lint on her shoulder.
I’m FBI-level analyzing things that do not matter.
4. “Smile. Nod. Be supportive. Look alive, Laura.”
My internal pep talk kicks in because I do want to be loving and kind.
But my face and my brain are not always on the same team.
I’m nodding like I understand quantum physics.
Meanwhile my inner voice is whispering,
“Please let this end soon, I can’t hold this expression anymore.”
5. “Oh my God, did I answer her email???”
Panic.
Real panic.
I definitely didn’t.
Which means in about 48 hours I’ll be texting her:
“Hi! Just seeing this! So sorry!”
It’s a lie.
We all know it.
But it’s the only bridge that gets us through.
6. “What am I going to eat later?”
A vital question.
A holy question.
A question that must be answered.
She might be talking about her vacation, her dead plant, her rude coworker, I don’t know.
But I’m wondering if I should order pasta or tacos.
7. “Don’t laugh. Don’t laugh. Don’t laugh.”
Sometimes she says something serious but all I can hear is the way she said it, and now I’m fighting for my life not to smile.
Why do we do this?
I don’t know.
But it’s a spiritual experience.
8. “Wait… what is she even talking about???”
This is when I try to re-enter the conversation.
I catch a random sentence like:
“…and that’s why I won’t shop there anymore.”
Um.
Okay?
Do I nod?
Do I ask a question?
Do I apologize for something???
I usually throw out a safe response:
“Oh my gosh, that’s crazy.”
Works every time.
9. “You know what? I adore people. I really do.”
Mid-chaos, mid-distraction, mid-internal meltdown…
The tender part of me kicks in.
I love women.
I love connection.
I love the stories, the laughter, the community of being in a room full of people.
Even when my brain has gone rogue and wandered into the wilderness.
10. “Okay, she stopped talking. Smile. Say something wise.”
So I do.
I pull out a classic Dinner-at-45 move:
“Life is something, isn’t it?”
She smiles.
She nods.
She agrees.
And boom, I’m officially back in the conversation.
The Truth?
Women at this age are juggling mental tabs like a browser with 47 windows open.
We WANT to be present.
We TRY to be present.
We MEAN to be present.
But sometimes?
We drift.
We laugh.
We regroup.
We love people anyway.
We love ourselves anyway.
And honestly?
It’s part of the charm.
