Love Isn’t Dead, It’s Just Badly Dressed
Love isn’t dead.
It’s just badly dressed.
And I don’t mean “he wore a wrinkled shirt to dinner once” badly dressed — I mean the kind of love that shows up in life looking like it rolled out of bed, didn’t brush its teeth, and still expects you to be grateful it arrived at all.
You know the kind.
The love that texts you back three business days later.
The love that says, “I’m just really busy right now,” but somehow never too busy to scroll Instagram, watch a game, or show up for everybody else.
The love that wants access to you — your time, your energy, your body, your loyalty — but doesn’t want the responsibility of loving you out loud.
That love isn’t mysterious.
It’s not complicated.
It’s not “just going through something.”
It’s simply low-effort love… wearing sweatpants.
And especially after 45? We’re not doing sweatpants love.
Not unless it’s paired with commitment, character, and emotional intelligence — and even then, please at least match the set.
When Love Is Badly Dressed, It Feels Like Confusion
Here’s the thing about “badly dressed” love: it makes you feel like you’re the problem.
It makes you question your worth.
It makes you second guess your needs.
It makes you rewrite your standards so you don’t scare them away.
And I hate that for us.
Because if you’ve ever loved someone who made you feel like asking for basic respect was “too much,” you know how exhausting it is. It’s like walking around in heels on a cracked sidewalk, convincing yourself the pain is normal because you really want to make it to dinner.
You start shrinking.
You start quieting your voice.
You start choosing “being chosen” over being cherished.
And sweetheart… no.
That is not romance.
That is survival mode.
Let’s Stop Calling Bare Minimum “Love”
If he wants you only in private…
If he’s affectionate only when it benefits him…
If he shows up when it’s convenient…
If he disappears when you have needs…
If he can’t communicate, can’t comfort, can’t commit…
That is not love.
That is somebody enjoying the perks of you without the privilege of earning you.
And I don’t know who needs to hear this in February — the month of heart balloons, pink roses, and overpriced prix fixe menus — but I’m going to say it anyway:
You are not hard to love.
You are just done accepting half-loved.
Because a woman who knows who she is doesn’t beg for presence.
She doesn’t beg for consistency.
She doesn’t beg for honesty.
She expects it.
The Difference Between Attention and Affection
Let me tell you something I learned the hard way:
Attention is loud.
Affection is consistent.
Attention is compliments with no actions.
Affection is showing up when you’re tired, sick, anxious, emotional, and not “fun.”
Attention wants the highlight reel.
Affection loves the behind-the-scenes.
Attention wants to win you.
Affection wants to keep you.
There is a huge difference between someone who wants to be in your life… and someone who wants to be in your moment.
And at this age? I don’t want a moment.
I want a man who looks at me like he knows I’m the best decision he ever made.
What Real Love Looks Like
Real love doesn’t have you spiraling.
It doesn’t have you staring at your phone like it owes you a personality.
It doesn’t have you feeling anxious in your own home.
It doesn’t have you “waiting to see” how someone feels about you.
Real love is steady.
Real love is protective.
Real love is kind.
Real love doesn’t play games with a grown woman’s heart.
Real love is somebody who doesn’t just love the parts of you that sparkle —
but the parts that are healing.
And listen… if you’ve been through anything in this life — divorce, heartbreak, betrayal, depression, loss, illness, anything that cracked you open and forced you to rebuild — then you know:
Love isn’t supposed to be another battlefield.
Love is supposed to be peace.
It’s supposed to feel like safety.
Like friendship.
Like laughter in the kitchen.
Like warm hands reaching for yours without hesitation.
Like someone who actually likes you, not just desires you.
A man who loves you gently but stands strong.
A love that doesn’t punish you for being human.
That’s the love we’re looking for now.
Not butterflies.
Not chaos.
Not adrenaline.
Not “I can’t stop thinking about you” followed by disappearing acts.
No.
We want devotion in a tailored suit.
Love Should Look Like It Was Raised Right
Badly dressed love has no manners.
It interrupts.
It disappears.
It makes promises it can’t keep.
It treats your heart like something it can borrow, not honor.
But real love?
Real love looks like someone who was raised right.
It checks in.
It communicates.
It doesn’t embarrass you.
It doesn’t confuse you.
It doesn’t make you wonder what you did wrong.
It’s the kind of love that doesn’t dim you — it highlights you.
And if you’ve never experienced that kind of love, I need you to hear me clearly:
You are not “too much.”
You are not “too emotional.”
You are not “too needy.”
You are simply a woman who requires love to come correct.
As you should.
A Valentine’s Reminder (From Me to You)
Valentine’s Day can be sweet.
It can be romantic.
It can be magical.
But it can also feel like a spotlight when you’re hurting.
So here’s my Valentine’s message — not from Hallmark, but from a woman who has lived:
Do not romanticize what is hurting you.
Do not glamorize inconsistency.
Do not accept crumbs because you’re hungry for love.
You deserve the full meal, darling.
And love that’s meant for you won’t require you to shrink, chase, beg, perform, or pretend.
It will show up dressed properly.
With effort.
With intention.
With pride.
With the kind of love that says:
“I see you. I value you. And I’m not going anywhere.”
Because love isn’t dead.
It’s just time we stop entertaining the badly dressed version.
And if that means you spend this Valentine’s Day choosing yourself?
Sweetheart , that is still love.
And it looks stunning on you.
